Lost in the void after the void dragon, PlayStation deemed Crash unworthy. Aku Aku™ drifted into the void Never to be free!
until a weird ass bunny reaper found him, and started making copies of him to be sold in Eorzea!
FOR THE LOW LOW PRICE of Two kidney STONES AND 2 gils! You can have your very OWN WITCH DOCTA!™
Works on all races and genders!
⚠️ WITCH DOCTA!™ OFFICIAL DISCLAIMER ⚠️
By equipping, wearing, gazing at, thinking about, or even slightly acknowledging the existence of the "Witch Docta!™ Mask", you agree that the creators, distributors, mysterious void entities, the weird bunny reaper, and any associated chickens are "NOT liable" for the following side effects:
* Sudden "loss of hearing" (including but not limited to: ignoring your FC, raid calls, or real-life responsibilities)
* Accidental or permanent "loss of soul" (may be stored in an unknown jar)
* Mild to severe "existential dread"
* Uncontrollable urge to say “WITCH DOCTA!” in public areas
* Temporary or permanent "possession by questionable spirits."
* Random "/dance emote at inappropriate times."
* Increased chance of being followed by invisible drums 🥁
* Sudden drop in intelligence (may already be present)
* "Depression", but like… stylish
* Becoming a "side quest NPC" in your own life
* Hearing voices that give "terrible but confident advice."
* Transformation into a market board addict
❗ Additional risks may include:
* Being haunted by Aku Aku’s distant disappointment
* Attracting Lalafells at high velocity
* Being challenged to duels you didn’t agree to
* Becoming legally classified as “a problem.”
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💀 >>>>>>!!! "NO REFUNDS. NO RETURNS. NO EXORCISMS PROVIDED."
💰 Payment accepted in: "2 Kidney Stones + 2 Gil (non-negotiable)"
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👉 By purchasing, you confirm that:
You are fully aware this is a terrible decision — and you’re doing it anyway.
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"WITCH DOCTA!™ — He may have lost his freedom… but now he can take yours too."